Books, like the Regrarians Handbook

… that you should support, here:

I have no idea what the next 500 words will constitute, because I twiddled around on social media for so long and lost all my motivation. It was pretty low to start with, to be honest, because it took about an hour and a half to get the baby to sleep and by that time all I want it ice cream, scotch, and bed. In that order. Stat.

And I wasn’t even the one that got her to sleep; L. did that part.

Having a kid has kind of submerged us. It’s not like I didn’t totally expect it (and that’s part of why I was reluctant), but it’s surprised me how total the submergence is: I can think clearly, so it’s not a brain fog issue; it’s just a matter of finding time. In chunks. When I can actually do something, rather than just tie up loose ends: laundry, going to the bathroom after being trapped under sleeping baby for an hour, making something to eat, replenishing tea, laundry (I know I said that already), etc. I’m glad I didn’t wind up going straight back to campus this month and also, I am in awe of those women that do. I suppose this whole pelvic injury is a very good justification: it’s hard to reconcile the fact that my month’s goal is to make it the whole half mile to the next street, when we used to regularly head out for 6 to 10 mile hikes just of a morning or afternoon free. As it is, I can make it a few houses up the street before having to turn back. That’s a weird thing to get accustomed to.

It also shakes my confidence pretty hard. Am I ever going to get to do any of the grazing and land management work that I want to? Just as one would be daft to assume most Mexicans dream of being landscapers and housecleaners, it would be totally unreasonable to think there are no aspiring ranchers and farmers out there in wheelchairs, for instance. And I have the immense privilege of speaking from a position that I can work my way out of: this injury is anything but permanent, and I will get back to health and strength eventually; but in the interim, the current reality has been sobering, frustrating, exhausting, and a real eye-opener.

So now that I have a kid, doing all my climate- and biosphere-related work is more important than ever, and harder. It takes greater commitment, which amazingly, is making it easier: I have to bite off small bites, or I’ll get nothing at all. 500 words a day. 10 minutes playing the guitar. My 10-15 minutes of physical therapy exercises. Every day. One step at a time. By the end of the year, the difference will be palpable, even as now, it’s almost imperceptible.

That’s the way a whole life changes too; the analogy is immensely valuable. One. Step. At. A. Time. We’ll get there.

Hopefully, in time.

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